Premarital Counseling

PREPARE/ ENRICH- Marriage Preparation Course

The PREPARE/ ENRICH marriage preparation curriculum is a 6-8 session course that satisfies requirements for marriage officiants and is always a good thing to do. It is preventative. People typically pick this option when they simply want to prepare for marriage and identify any areas they may need to discuss.

What is PREPARE/ ENRICH NYC?

The PREPARE/ENRICH assessment makes your relationship stronger! It focuses on topics that need to be discussed such as connection and emotional intimacy, spiritual beliefs, sex, financial management, roles, and relationships, and it also assess your stress levels and compares personality characteristics. It provides you with 1) areas of strength between the two of you, 2) areas you need some growth and/ or discussion time, and 3) an increase in awareness across the whole of your relationship.

What if relationship difficulties emerge?

Sometimes the process of premarital counseling fosters the ability for a couple to talk about an issue they may have been avoiding. This is exactly why premarital counseling is so important. It’s great to work through issues now, with a therapist who can help you communicate, so the issue doesn’t grow to something that will be harmful later on.

Unstructured Premarital Counseling

In the unstructured scenario, couples will be asked to share specific issues they are struggling with and/or want to work on. The counselor will then help the couple address and resolve these issues. These typically involve differences in communication, faith, extended family expectations, finances, and work/life balance forecasting. Regardless of the approach taken, couples will engage in experiential exercises such as role-plays and couples’ dialogue.

Premarital counseling is a particularly important and time-sensitive process because research shows that most couples usually begin counseling after problems have already begun. Many couples initiate counseling because they are unhappy with their partner and/or something has gone wrong in their relationship. John Gottman, a leading researcher in the field of marital therapy has concluded that, “the average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems” (Gottman, 2004, Self Help & Tips section, para. 2). This statistic is particularly disconcerting considering that some studies suggest that more than 50% of all divorces occur within the first few years of marriage (Carroll & Doherty, 2003). In a meta-analysis of premarital counseling programs, the average person/couple who participated in a premarital counseling program was better off after the program than 79% of the people who did not participate in such a program (Carroll & Doherty, 2003).

Why should we go for premarital counseling?

The goal of marriage is not just to stay together but to have a fulfilling, close relationship that enriches the lives of both partners. Premarital counseling provides the couple with the tools to live their best relationship possible. Marriage represents for many couples the formal transition from a single person to a couple. Taking another person’s needs and desires into consideration while honoring your own needs and desires can be tough at times. Premarital counseling optimizes each person’s ability to have a relationship that meets their needs while still maintaining personal passions and interests. Previous relationship challenges and unresolved childhood challenges can also weigh down otherwise healthy relationships. Premarital counseling can also help to identify possible growth areas for the relationship.

Indicators that you may benefit from premarital counseling

• If a significant change in relationship commitment is on the horizon

• If you and your partner plan on structuring your relationship roles differently than your parents

• If communication and/or handling conflict is sometimes a challenge

• If your new level of commitment will require changes for your extended family and friends

• If you want to keep your sexual relationship fresh and exciting

• If you want to get on the same page financially

• If there is a specific difference in needs that you can’t agree on

How is premarital counseling different from marriage and couples counseling?

Premarital counseling is different from couples and marriage counseling in that it is a preventative process as opposed to a curative one. Even though many of the same core issues are addressed in premarital counseling as in couples and marriage counseling, they are discussed from the perspective of helping both partners understand, reconcile, and integrate each other’s views/beliefs/lifestyles so that conflict can be minimized and connection can be maximized.

Benefits of premarital counseling

• Successfully transition from being a dating couple to a married couple
• Increase confidence in your ability to overcome future challenges
• Heal existing relational wounds/disagreements
• Feel close and connected amidst the stress of wedding planning
• Have a joint plan for and vision of your marriage